I think I'll just give up right now.

Isn't it great being a teenage girl.
With emotions?
I know, you're all very jealous.
Or sympathetic.
Or laughing at my amazing lameness.

Oh well, anyway, storytime children...
There was once a male named Nathan. Now Nathan once had a 'thing' for my friend Melanie. She did not like him like that at all though Then he met me.
For a while it was all good, we were friends, then we were a little more than friends, and I didn't tell many people, because, well, he just wasn't someone you did that with.... So anyway, after a while, I was a lot over this whole 'open relationship' thing, and wished he'd leave me alone. Then one day, he said we should just be friends.
How great, you would think. but afterwards, I was in love with him. What the fuck? My head, very messed up.
I wonder why on Earth I would feel like this? Did I just like feeling wanted? or was I in love the whole time? But anyway. I only had to wait a few weeks till an innocent movie watching seesion at his house became something much more awkward.

I tried texting him a few times afterwards, but he was kinda weird so I stopped trying.
I didn't talk to him for about 4 months.

Then one day, he spoke to me again. And wanted to hang out again. I was completely over him.
But seems like he wasn't over me. So he flirted a lot over text whilst drinking. Always wanted to go for walks and wanted to see me constantly. I just wanted a friend.

Now, the trouble with me, is that I am too nice for my own good. It's usually a good thing. I can see the good in almost anyone, and I don't think Inhave ever hated anyone. But when it comes to being brutally honest. Well, that cjust goes out the window. So put up a stupid charade for a few weeks, then after a brief kiss (nothing major at all) he decided to just be friends again.
And guess how I feel now?

Why?

Stalking and Houseplants

Hello nobody.
Hello me.

I wonder if I am a stalker sometimes. I mean, sure, stalking is supposed to be aainst the law, but I still worry about myself. You see, only for curiosity's sake, I used Google Earth in order to find the house of the K (whose address I looked up in the white pages, good thing his last nake isn't too common). But of course they cut out that tiny chunk of his street. Now that was freaky, since almost our entire town is mapped:s.

But anyway, back to the main topic, am I a stalker? I am now in a class with him, which makes me very happy (I was beginning to get worried as our English classes of 2007 came to a close) and I listen to every word he says.

We did have the briefest of conversations, discussing an eraser and an English teacher. Then afterwards, through intently listening to conversations, found out he DOES in fact have a girlfriend.

The world has ended.

I am so weird and sad...

=(

I think the only thing left for me to do is to turn to my houseplant. I have christened him Gareth, and I have not killed him yet. I found him, a tiny little cluster of leaves and a pathetic little flower, growing in the garden. so I scooped him up, placed him in a seldom used jug.
And he is probably going to grow out of his little jug soon (it only holds 250mls afterall). He is far more interesting than my sisters cactus, which I poke, as it insn't to spiky, what a pussy cactus.

At least they're fun to take photographs of.

I never did mention, though I feel I am inclined to, that the two disguisting Males I discussed in my previous post are in fact befriended to the K. I now regret not saying anything. If there is one thing I can say about myself, I am opinionated, but I do not speak my mind.. It can be quite an issue sometimes.

Now, it is far past midnight thirty, and to be honest, even though I am now on school holidays (happy dances) I think I should sleep. The only problem is I will probably wake up early, like I did this morning ( or yesterday morning, i think. it is 1.13 am afterall). But I do need to get up earlyish. Gotta go buy a Kriskringle present. And I got no clue what to buy, I am truly a lost cause when it comes to things like this. It's for someone I work with, and I don't know her terribly well so we'll see how it goes at any rate.

So, my distant, abstract cyberspace, do bid you farewell.
Goodnight.

Filming...

Dearest Blog.
I have had an, interesting (possibly not the best word), last few days filming a school project. For a very pointless subject and very much over the top, we have employed male actors who cannot act, who work on wages of McDonald's cheeseburgers (with bacon!)
It is (not surprisingly) difficult to control teenage boys.
As Romy said: I now know what is like to be a mother. Don't touch that. No, put that down, Stay there!
Me: Only problem is, they are physically stronger than us-_-

So anyway, my home has been filled with random people who have starred in the movie. Today we filmed death scenes and lip synching, two very important parts. Of course, any movie about LSD needs death scenes and Lip Synching=]
WE have visited a police station, jumped of roofs, jumped on trampolines, murdered a pie by the name of sprinkles, all normal things of course.

At the present, parents are outside having a social gathering, and I have become bored and come inside to blog. Just what everyone does on a Saturday night of course. That and Msning, it is what all the cool people do after all.
And yes, coming back to the cruise, I am still being too lazy to write a fuller account. Plus I had an English essay to rewrite, because it was 'a surprisingly shallow explaination. You can do better'. Erg

And silly work has me working tomorrow, so I am off
Goodnight Blog, sleep well x

Sad old me...

I said that I might post my dream journal online, but as of yet, I have been to lazy to write it down.
But last night's dream (or at least the tiny portion of it I can actually remember) was truly tragic. The male whom I am secretly in love with had put more clour in his hair and was being horrible. oh woe me.
A little background information perhaps?
Well this male, who from here on in shall be referred to as Kenneth (not real name)along with Kyle (also not real name**) are the males that a friend (Romy) and I like. Oh such sad pathetic teenagers we are...
Well she had been habouring this hopeless love for Kyle for many months, despite not speaking to him more often than every few weeks or so. He shares an English class with Kenneth and myself. This means Romy is rather jealous....
So fast forward a few weeks, and it is formal night. Kyle is there, but *sob* Kenneth is nowhere to be seen. Tonight really was the night for rejection. Romy was left alone with Kyle...

'Hey, I really like you...'
'What?'
'I REALLY LIKE YOU'
'Really'
(nooo...) 'yes'
'why'
(cue akwardness)
'I don't know! I just do'
'I don't think it will work out...' *CRY*
'Ok, well I'll just casually walk this way'
Oh the dramas of highschool. I know that your heart bleeds for her.
On the same night, the endless obsessive love of one friend was shattered when the male revealed he was gay. (not entirely sure if it was true or if it was to get rid of her, which would have been much worse. And someone else was in tears. I find it amazing that all in all, it was actually still a good night.

Anyway, back to Kenneth.

That night, however I had another terrible dream. I was doing my Vis Comm assignment in the hall where the formals was, stressing and unable to finish it, Kenneth was there, and then he wasn't, then he didn't care, then there was someone pretending to be him, and I couldn't print and, oh dear...:(
Now one girl, a friend of Romy and her posse was asked out by Kenneth. That's right, it was horrid, truly horrid. But I was overjoyed in a kind of pitying kind of way when she told him to get lost.
Now I fear that considering the reccent rejections, I wonder if I should follow suit with 'affirmative action', as it may end in tears. However I do know now that he goes for somewhat nerdy year 10 females, which is a bonus for me.
Now since Romy was rejected, she is in denial and has a developed a so far unobsessive attraction toward Joey. Who happens to be Kenneths part-time friend (score:)) Perhaps not all hope is lost.

But now it is the holidays, and I shan't see him for two weeks... But I have a holiday coming up. One a rather large boat. With many people. Perhaps I can move on for a brief few days. sigh...

Well that turned out to be a very unusual first dream journal posting indeed...
Goodbyeee




**Nothing is ever real. I have learnt that form other's mistakes. I have also learned never to google friend's names in too much detail. You can reveal blogs written about them by others that we know. (but they used full names, I mean, come on, you're asking for trouble.)
So hence, if I am to actually keep on going with the blog (which I doubt I will anyway). I may as well keep anonymity for the sake of all involved.